Negotiation is something we come up against nearly every day of our lives. But most business people still find it hard to learn the lessons of successful negotiation. Some people keep making the same negotiating errors over and over.
The biggest mistakes: Negotiating for a firm position. The harder you fight to defend you position, the more stubbornly the opposition will cling to its side. Criticism, counter-attack and defensiveness take over. It becomes harder to extract of offer the concessions needed to reach a compromise.
Mixing up the problem with the people. Because all of us basically want to be liked, we get bogged down in people problems - communication, understanding, perception, ego, confidence, trust. Instead we should be focusing on the merits of the issue - dollars, boundaries, delivery dates, terms, specifications, conditions and facts.
My prescription: Separate the people from the problem. It’s not necessary to be agreeable to disagree. Negotiate only the merits of an issue. Besides their differences, both sides in a dispute usually have some underlying common interests, if only to get the matter settled. Otherwise, they would not be a the bargaining table. To reinforce the idea that participants are working together towards a solution, use side-by-side rather than face-to-face seating arrangements. If all participants are, say, facing a blackboard, they are more likely to attack the problem than each other.
Then, invent options. Never go into negotiations thinking that there is a single best answer or that the pie is inalterably fixed. Look for new angles. Try brainstorming sessions, even with the opposing side.
Essential: Brain storming must be clearly distinguishable from negotiating sessions. When brainstorming, all criticism or evaluation of ideas must be postponed until “winnowing out time”.
Point: Separate the act of developing options from the act of deciding them.
Once the options are laid on the table, find those that meet the interests of the other side without jeopardising your own. Make your own interest plain to the other side. Every negotiator worries about what will happen if the other side uses dirty tricks or refused to bargain in good faith. If the opposing side places you at some disadvantage, raise the issue explicitly and discuss it.
Proceed independently of trust. Routinely check facts and verify statements. If honour is suspect, build compliance features into the agreement. Good negotiators rarely turn to threats. Warnings are much more legitimate and aren’t vulnerable to counter threats. Focus on consequences that will happen independently of any action your side might take.
Superpower parallel! No matter how much two people stranded at sea in a small boat may dislike each other, they must figure a way to divide the rations equitably. Say the one who rows harder gets more, or the ham lover gets more ham or the fish eater more canned salmon.
